just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
