I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
