he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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