So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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