idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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