It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
