I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
