if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I party with great urgency now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
