sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize