we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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