that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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