So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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