oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
