She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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