normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
