New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
