And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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