Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
