I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
