Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
