I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
