good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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