I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
