I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
and you fell through a lawn chair
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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