We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
