I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
