Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize