a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
