i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
