I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
