my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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