Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
