you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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