woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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