I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
