so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
