I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
