Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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