Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
