Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
