I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
