the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
