Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Four minutes until I can fart!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
