a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
