That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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