she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
