her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
