2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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