Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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