I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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