her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
