He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
