But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
