I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize