bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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