I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
