now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
