hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
