she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Help. Why am I so naked?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
