Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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