smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have aggressive nipples.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
