You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
