suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
