Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
