he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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